Best When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse By Chuck DeGroat
Best When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse By Chuck DeGroat
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Ebook About 2021 Christian Book Award® program - Ministry Resources2021 Outreach Resource of the Year - Counseling and RelationshipsWhy does narcissism seem to thrive in our churches?We've seen the news stories and heard the rumors. Maybe we ourselves have been hurt by a narcissistic church leader. It's easy to throw the term around and diagnose others from afar. But what is narcissism, really? And how does it infiltrate the church?Chuck DeGroat has been counseling pastors with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as well as those wounded by narcissistic leaders and systems, for over twenty years. He knows firsthand the devastation narcissism leaves in its wake and how insidious and painful it is. In When Narcissism Comes to Church, DeGroat takes a close look at narcissism, not only in ministry leaders but also in church systems. He offers compassion and hope for those affected by its destructive power and imparts wise counsel for churches looking to heal from its systemic effects.DeGroat also offers hope for narcissists themselves―not by any shortcut, but by the long, slow road of genuine recovery, possible only through repentance and trust in the humble gospel of Jesus.Book When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse Review :
The day I first heard about Chuck DeGroat’s latest book, When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse (IVP, 2020), I could not wait to read it. I pre-ordered it months ago, so when the opportunity arose to be on the launch team arose, I jumped at it. Over the last few years, DeGroat has become one of my favorite authors. Each of his previous books have had a significant impact upon me, though I consider Wholeheartedness (Eerdmans, 2016) to be one of the handful of books that has had a profound effect upon my thinking.As DeGroat wrote in the epilogue of this book, “this cultural moment is ripe for a book like this” (p. 168). Even those only tangentially connected with church culture in the last several years know that there have been multiple seismic shifts in large churches and small churches alike. It seems that barely a week passes when yet another example of spiritual or emotional abuse surfaces on social media.In When Narcissism Comes to Church, DeGroat invites us in to his years of experience working with those wounded by the church and his work with the churches themselves, always with an eye toward redemption. His experience is a true asset to those wanting to understand the impact unchecked narcissism can have upon community, but his added experience with the Enneagram allows him to bring a unique addition to understanding the different ways in which narcissism may manifest. Even if you consider yourself to be well versed in the Enneagram, narcissism, spiritual abuse, or psychological dynamics, I can nearly promise that this book will help you to understand narcissism in ways that you have not previously considered.Throughout the book, I saw glimpses of myself many times and was reminded of being confronted by my own growing narcissism, which I wrote about in an article for Fathom Magazine (October, 2018), “I Became What I Hate.” In her own way, my teenage daughter bravely shared with me how she experienced me, which is something Dr. DeGroat wrote about in this book. Her words cracked open my narcissistic veneer. I am trying to live from my truest self, though the temptation still exists to hide again. The work, it seems, is never finished.I can recommend this book unreservedly. Whether you have been hurt by a narcissistic person or system, or whether you want to know your own impact—as a leader, spouse, or system—this book will of benefit. Even if you have no idea what narcissism, spiritual abuse, or emotional abuse actually means, this is a good place to start. But regardless of where you are coming from, let me encourage you to start not from a place of accusation, but in seeking to know yourself. There is hope for change, but not without rigorous self-honesty. Have you ever been around someone in church who leaves you feeling crazy, uncertain, confused, insecure, and bewildered? They say they are Christian, maybe even a pastor, but you often see behavior that's far from Christlike. You may have encountered a narcissist. You wouldn't think that narcissist could be your pastor or ministry leader, when in fact, your pastor may have left you hurt, shattered, and shamed.Many victims have experienced emotional and spiritual abuse from church leadership and can attest to the damage and shattered debris left behind by narcissist leadership. I've read many books trying to understand narcissists and their tactics as I reconcile that I have encountered and survived a narcissist pastor and narcissistic church system. Chuck DeGroat has written this book to specifically address narcissism in the church environment. You aren't crazy. I'm not crazy. Narcissistic bullies are in fact sometimes pastors and church leaders.Chuck DeGroat has counseled and worked with both those with narcissistic personality disorder and those victimized by narcissistic leaders and systems, for over 20 years. He has served as a pastor and is now a licensed therapist, spiritual director, and, of course, an author.The contents of this book include: When Narcissism Comes to Church; Understanding Narcissism; The Nine Faces of Narcissism; Characteristics of the Narcissistic Pastor; The Inner Life of the Narcissistic Pastor; Understanding Narcissistic Systems; Spiritual and Emotional Abuse; Healing Ourselves, Healing the Church and Transformation for the Narcissist (is Possible).This book has been a tremendous help as I navigate the healing journey from a pastor's narcissistic abuse and a narcissistic church system's denial and cover-up. As I reconcile what happened. As I try and understand how someone can hurt others so easily, especially in a church environment. As I try and feel compassion and forgiveness to the one who abused me and those who didn't protect me. As I speak truth to that church and not let them take my voice. And as I pray that church leadership will soften their hearts and truly pursue truth, health and healing. As Chuck says, "I've never seen systemic health emerge apart from the leader (or leaders) going on their own transformational journey."Church leaders and pastors have a moral and called responsibility to be sure church is healthy and safe. I think leadership (and congregations) reading When Narcissism Comes to Church is a step in this direction. That is my prayer. 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